ENTRIES
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Friday, February 10, 2006]
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define a good day... if a good day means that you are happy and bubbly and stuff, then today is definately not one of them...
i feel kind of, like, betrayed by my group members... i dont know if thats the word to use, but thats how i feel... mr wong said today, he was going to change the seats of people cause it wasnt productive... little did i know i was one of them...
he said, mark, now i've to change your seat... the 3 girls behind you say you disturb them... in my mind, i thought, wtf?? i disturb them?? ok, i dont think this is fair... they can talk loudly and not pay attention in class, but yes, im the one disturbing them... ok, so i talk to rui xiang alot, maybe that disturbs them, but they talking among themselves, that disturbs me too... i never did complain to anyone, cause i know i also disturb them when i talk... i cant remember me turning around and disturbing them on purpose, then again, it might be selective memory... all i know is that i ask them alot of questions... i guess satisfying my curosity was the cause then...
i might be very biased in my writing here, but i think this is the honest truth... i cant see why they couldnt have just came up to me one day, said, 'look, mark, you disturb us with your questions or whatever, we would appreciate if you would stop distracting/disturbing us in class' ok, that would have done it... but i guess not... i think now i can see who i can really turn to... who my true friends are.. and i never thought rui xiang would complain too...
i think this means i shouldnt talk to them unless they speak to me, otherwise i might be accused of disturbing again...
and speaking of accusing, mr wong has already accused me wrongly 2 times this month... first was at the ncc barbeque, when he thought i was eating food when i was actually trying to see if they were still raw (i was the cook), and second was today when he said the part a's said i used vulgarities on them... i hope he gets his facts right next time he accuses me of something...
i dont know what has got into me, its like a feeling of depression... there are so many things that i actually start to think about now, when at other times, it doesnt bother me at all...
who can i trust nowadays, who can i call my true friends... those i think are true friends to me include, amaliah, jun, grace, xin ting... there are more, i suppose.. to those who are true to me, i wish to extend to you my heartfelt gratitude... i dont think these people even know i think of them as true friends... they picked me up when i was down, encouraged me when i gave up, and forgave me when i wronged them... they chose to be friends with me even though i was a immature little kid with a hot temper... if things ever go wrong between any of them and me, i dont think i'll be able to come out of the shell that i will retreat into... maybe thats how other people want me to be, quiet and not irritating...
there are alot of things i could have not done, but i did... shit, now that i think back about stuff, i could have been a changed person all along...
'the green willow'
poohed all the way at 10:23 PM
pooh
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